December 30, 1999, I woke up in jail after being charged with driving under the influence. I had driven in such a state hundreds of times over that decade, and looking back, it was certainly a death wish, challenge of authority, and cry for help. Depression and alcoholism/addiction had ruled my days, and, fortunately, this night in jail was the beginning of the end of that way of life for me. After a term in “DUI school, I was given an additional “punishment” of 72 mandatory AA meetings and 21 weeks of group counseling. A couple of months into this sober endeavor, the moment of clarity struck me in the midst of conversation with a friend in recovery, and my Life was forever changed. I realized that I didn’t have to ever drink or drug again, and that the only way to accomplish that was “one day at a time.” It’s cliche because it’s so true… it is the Way, the present moment lifestyle, pure Now.
Over the last twenty years, more and more has been revealed; the ugly and beautiful truth has slowly been exposed. After nineteen years in recovery, I’m still excavating and peeling away the layers of damage that led to depression and addiction, and it’s a wonderful exploration of me/humanity. Just this year, I pulled some of the deepest rooted weeds yet.
I would have never imagined this twist of fate, and I wouldn’t change a thing if I could go back. I remain grateful for all of the forces that led me to where I am today… perfect imperfection. If you, or anyone you know, struggles with depression and/or addiction, please know that there is a “solution”… BUT, it is not for those that NEED it, but for those that WANT it; it is a daily decision to choose life over death, Love over fear.
If I can be of service in any way, please message me. I love you all, and wish you a wonderful 2020.