Insanity vs. Integrity

This year has delivered some hard lessons. One of the crippling ones has to do with my “failure” over many years to reach a potential “audience” for my Work. I am a true believer in the long game, understanding that doing the consistent work of making meaningful paintings over the course of a career is the objective. I do not hang my hat on trending or selling tons of paintings, though certainly those would help build belief that the Work is connecting with others. There is a very fine line between insanity and integrity in this situation. Expecting different results from doing the same thing can lead to great frustration/anxiety/depression, but I still keep making related (Civil War) paintings. This year, I tried something different, and I went back to making purely abstract paintings. It was a good experience to experiment again, to play with color and design, and to solve a new set of creative challenges. This project was partially motivated by the market, where abstract reigns, and also by the need to feel more financially? responsible for me and my family. I made a lot of abstract paintings… and, I believe that they are quality pieces that I am proud of. Then, about a month or so ago, it occurred to me that the Work that I needed to be doing was the other Work… the content heavy, “Civil War” Work. So, I set my course to return, quite exclusively, to my commitment to that series, and 2019 would start with a head first dive into the fourth piece in the Re: The Reconstruction series. The funny thing is, the abstract paintings started selling well the last couple of months, tugging at my vulnerable parts, tempting me with financial reward for work… That’s the way things go. No telling what happens from here… but, I know that I will remain open and steadfast, deep in faith that doing the Work is the ultimate reward.