a notion may kill you

maybe, it’s not a good idea, but i have lately found myself referring to my four year painting project as a Civil War memorial. ultimately, that is what it will be one day when it is a complete series of thirty-six large format paintings housed together in some building somewhere, but it brings a twisted connotation to me on a day to day basis. considering the notion of creating a Civil War memorial by myself in my studio with a self-imposed deadline, and with no particular stream of income is an anxiety producing activity… i do my best to run like usain bolt from those thoughts, but, being a sprinter such as he is, the thoughts catch up eventually. so, i am now utilizing a marathon training program to keep those fear-based notions at bay, behind me, and it is going well enough. i am a little bit tired.